There I was, sitting in the living room (as I do on most nights) staring at the tube (as I do on most nights). But rather than vegging out, sliding into a happy torpor that would eventually end in sleep (as I do on most nights), I was sitting upright, electric with anticipation, palms sweating with nerves.
This wasn’t Netflix and chill, this was live-stream and learn. Jury-rigged wires criss-crossed the room, from the internet router to the laptop to the TV.
On the tube was Beth Zupec-Kania, registered dietician for the Charlie Foundation. It was the first night of the Metabolic Health Summit, and she was the keynote speaker. She gave an incredible speech, highlighting all the progress that has been made in ketogenic diet research and all the good that this research has done for people with conditions as far-ranging as epilepsy to cancer.
And then, the moment I’d been waiting for. Me! Up on the screen! On the screen of my own tv, but also on the screen at the conference, being seen by doctors, researchers, patients, entrepreneurs… I felt like one of those dolphins in the aquarium that recognizes its own reflection in a mirror: excited, agitated, maybe a little confused. It was definitely the high point of my ketogenic journey so far. But it was also a low, of sorts.
resistance
After reading this blog, Beth had reached out to me a few months before, asking if I would record a testimonial. I was so honored, I agreed right away. Then I got right down to the business of…procrastinating.
One of my favorite books on writing (and painting, and entrepreneurship, and business…) is Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art. Like its ancient Eastern namesake, The War of Art is a slim volume filled with deep meditations and profound insights that can be applied to most any endeavor in life.
Pressfield’s genius insight is to personify the procrastination/laziness/fear/doubt that we all feel at some point or other. He gives it a face and a name: Resistance. If motivation is the force that pushes you forward, Resistance is the equal and opposite force that holds you back. In Pressfield’s words:
Resistance with a capital R, that force of self-sabotage, will try to stop you as a writer or an artist or anybody from achieving your best work, from following your calling, will try to distract you, undermine your self-confidence, make you procrastinate, make you quit, make you give into fear, or, on the other hand, make you such a perfectionist that you spend all day on one paragraph and you accomplish nothing.
And even more grandly…
On the field of the self stand a knight and a dragon. You are the knight. Resistance is the dragon. The battle must be fought anew every day.
I love this. As a born and bred Irish Catholic, my go-to emotion is guilt. Any time I fall short, or put something off, or do something late, guilt is the goblin sitting on my shoulder, chattering into my ear that he told me so. I always listen, and I always find myself smaller, more disheartened, more diminished for having done so.
the good fight
Resistance almost beat me. I bought tickets to the Summit right away — in-person tickets. But then I held off on making travel arrangements, telling myself that with COVID and all that, things could change at any minute.
I remembered, and forgot, and remembered again that I had to record that video, but then figured that next weekend would be a better time to do it, since I could take some time and really think about what I would say.
At some point, I realized it was probably too late. The agenda would be set in stone by now, Beth’s speech written, and airplane tickets had gotten too expensive, and the hotel was all booked anyway. These were the thoughts that came to me at night, accompanied by a welling up of regret in the pit of my stomach. That familiar taste of failure in my mouth.
The heart of resistance, Pressfield says, is fear:
Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That's why we feel so much Resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there'd be no Resistance.
So, paradoxically, fear is a good thing. It shows us which direction we need to go. My fear of putting myself out there to that audience of the top researchers in the metabolic health space meant that recording that testimonial was exactly what I needed to do. In the end, I did make the recording and Beth was kind enough to use it in her speech. But I didn’t make it out to Santa Barbara for the conference (and I’d been so looking forward to finding Sean and Gus’s office from Psych!). My calendar filled up and I ended up watching from home, kicking myself for not being there.
(Fair warning: Pressfield’s book gets a little out-there. In addition to knights and dragons, there are muses and angels and heavenly creatures. You can take or leave this stuff, as you see fit. But for me, the idea of resistance alone is worth the price of admission.)
back to our semi-regularly-scheduled program
Yes, I know it’s been a minute. I can say that work has been busy, which it has. But also, Resistance has had me in a headlock, giving me noogies. But this week I’m on vacation in the beautiful Adirondacks, getting my fill of three other R’s: Rest, Relaxation, and wRiting.
So here I am, sword in my metaphorical hand, laptop in my physical hands, fighting off the dragon for just long enough to put out this little blog entry, and with it, to begin again the work of creating and putting writing out into the world.
a look ahead
Over the next few weeks, I hope to get consistent with this blog again. I plan to bring you more takeaways from the Metabolic Health Summit, which was chock-full o’ mind-blowing insights on the latest studies on ketogenic diet’s effects in areas ranging all the way from cancer, heart disease, and schizophrenia, to COVID-19, quality sleep and athletic performance (and yes, epilepsy).
By popular demand, I’ve also recorded a whole new series of interviews with my favorite researcher and muscle-head, Ben Bocchicchio, PhD. Our chat last year was one of my most popular “healthy happy hour” interviews, but folks were a bit overwhelmed by the depth and breadth of information that Dr. Ben brings to the table (something about sipping from a firehose?). So this time, we broke it up into “quick bites,” short, easily-digestible talks that you can listen to in a couple of minutes and put into action right away. If all goes according to plan (which, to be honest, it rarely does), these will form the basis for a brand spankin’ new podcast - so stay tuned for the big things ahead!
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Thanks, and keep living large!
Note: All of the talks from The Metabolic Health Summit were recorded, and are still online. You can register and attend the conference retroactively by going here. If you want to get mad deep with your keto knowledge, you can find no better place to do it!
Also Note: The ramblings published on this blog are the opinions of the author alone and shared for entertainment purposes only. The author is an English major with no medical or scientific background; thus, his words should never be taken as medical advice. Consult with your doctor or medical professional before undertaking any diet or exercise program.
I hope you're filled with ample Rs to face the next several months to create more fascinating blogs. We at The Charlie Foundation are a huge fan of yours!